I have lost count of the amount of dogs I have wished farewell over Rainbow Bridge. I didn't grow up with dogs, but I did rescue my first dog when I was 17. I grew up with cats and was always the first one to save the mouse or bird from them.
But dogs, they really hit different don't they?
I rehomed my first dog, Boo, when I was 17. She was being cared for at the vets I worked at in Leicester, and I decided to give her a home. I can't remember asking permission, but she came home all the same.
Purpose of this guide
The purpose of this guide is to either give you some preparation or if you have already lost your beloved pet, to help you with some coping skills.
I am not a pet grief counsellor, but I am someone who understands. As mentioned earlier, I have lost count of the animal goodbyes, but the memories are still there.
Grief is different for everyone
Grief is different for everyone, but it is also dependant upon your animal friend. I have had two soul dogs pass and countless dogs I have rescued that have lived with me. My first soul dog, to say I was beyond devastated does not cover it.
As I type this now, I am starting to cry.
Ellie-May, my first Liver & white tri-coloured English Springer Spaniel. If there were ever a perfect dog, she was that dog. She never did anything wrong. She used to come to work with me before I started working from home. I never had to worry about her being off lead, she just stayed with me without the worry of her running off.
As if the perfectly behaved dog wasn't enough, she was beautiful too. The prettiest dog I ever knew.
This is going to be difficult to type ... on her passing, I couldn't accept it, I literally broke down. It wasn't just crying or heart break, it was total devastation.
I was on the floor, a shattered version of myself begging who ever held this power to take her from me, to please let her stay.
Tears are streaming down my face now as I recall the night I begged the universe to let her come back to me.
When Ellie-May passed, I had no idea at the time that my way of coping would become a blueprint for every goodbye thereafter. I had a needle felt lifelike dog made, I bought a silver pendant heart that I could put ashes in and a special box for her ashes as well.
And then there was Robert
All I can say about Robert is wow. How could I be blessed with two perfect dogs in a human lifetime?
Robert was a sad rescue.
I was a dog warden at the time. I used to patrol villages in Lincolnshire. I became aware of a litter of puppies with a Springer Spaniel mother. I can't divulge any more than that as it is sensitive information.
I offered to buy the whole litter, but sadly my wages could not afford it. A friend from the village offered to go down and get one of the puppies for me. Robert was the chosen one and in later years, fondly became known as Golden Paws, with a dog training book named after him - From Puppy to Golden Paws.
Robert had mange when he came to me. A tiny little black and white bundle of absolute gold.
At the time, I was heavily into my dog training. Robert came at a time when I was working with Paddy Driscoll of Teamwork Training. Helping in her classes, its wasn't long before I got the 'Obedience' bug.
My most valuable lesson from Paddy was teaching Robert to retrieve - he wasn't a natural retriever, but we did it using a furry pencil case to start off with. Little did I know at the time, but Robert was to become the first dog I taught to 'pick up' for me, when I couldn't be bothered or just revelled in his skill at picking stuff up off the floor for me on command, like my keys etc.
We never took obedience that seriously that we competed, but we did a few informal obedience classes at shows.
Fast forward to Roberts passing. Another immensely unpleasant time made more difficult by his last hours needing the out of hours emergency vet and me not being able to be with him. I made the very difficult decision to let him go and still to this day I do not know what happened.
The blueprint was applied. He was laid out for the others to see him, my attempt to give my other dogs the chance to at least see him lifeless in the hope they knew he was no longer with us at least in the life form that we knew.
The private cremation was organised with Antara Nottingham. A faultless service at the old Antara Luxury Boarding Kennels at West Bridgeford Nottingham. Simon and the owners of Antara are absolute legends and if you have a look at their website, you will see exactly what I mean by that. The visuals on the website reflect 100% their dedication to perfection.
A silver heart pendant was purchased, true to my blueprint and in Roberts memory, a bench and a Cherry Blossom Tree.
Pet Loss Journalling
The inspiration for pet loss journalling stemmed from a little note book my mum bought me with a dog on the front reminiscent of Robert.
I would write 'to' Robert as if he could hear me. It was a way of speaking to him, to let him know how sad we all were of his passing and that we wished he were still here.
This was 2018. It's 2025 now and I am finally ready to share this with you.
Mix of Emotions
There are a mix of emotions you'll feel. The shock of the loss, the emptiness of the missing pet, the anger from wondering if you could have done more, the extreme sadness of their passing, along with emptiness; a space no other pet can fill.
There is no right or wrong timeline. Some people who have one pet swear to never have a dog again because of the heartbreak involved. Some, like myself, take solace in the other animals around us who keep us going with their love and their ability to make us laugh even in these sad times.
Be practical
In the hours following your pets passing, you may be faced with further decisions if you have chosen to bring them home. I personally have never left a dog with the vet for them to carry out a cremation.
It is important to know that you can ask for a private cremation, this just means your pet will be the only ashes that you receive back.
You can also contact a local pet crematorium like the one we used in Nottingham, to have a private cremation. They have a chapel of rest where you can spend a few last moments with your pet. You can also ask for a same day cremation. This means within 2-3 hours, you can receive your pets ashes back.
I chose to spend this time going in to West Bridgeford to buy a pretty wooden box from the gift shop. I would have a coffee and some lunch, by which time it was time to collect them.
This is obviously my personal story, but it gives you food for thought on ways you can do the best for your pet with the nicest send off.
There's some significant closure around receiving your pets ashes back and taking them home. Some people chose to scatter their ashes, some choose to just keep them nearby.
I have also buried dogs in the garden. Luckily I have plenty of room and the yard and garden can be likened to a pet cemetery with the amount of souls that are there.
Give yourself gentle permission to take it easy during these decisions, but do remember that during hot weather, decisions need to be made quicker.
Reincarnation stories
Reincarnation is something that many believe in. Robin and butterfly stories are common. I have some stories a little different ranging from odd experiences with a Red Kite (Robert) to flowering plants that appear and disappear just as fast making their likelihood to be connected more real.
Get comfort from those who understand
There is much comfort that can be gained from talking to others who feel the same way about their dogs passing as you. If you feel ready, chat to them and talk about how you feel.
As mentioned before, my "I Wrote a Letter to my Dog" Digital Journal, is a way to put your thoughts down in writing. It is a lovely way to have your journal with you all the time, to jot down your thoughts as soon as you feel them.
Your existing pets
Your animals that live in the house with you that also miss your departed pet, may now act differently. Please do give them time prior to the physical body leaving, to say goodbye and have a sniff around. It's the kindest thing to do in the absence of them understanding words of explanation.
When your healing begins
When you start to smile or laugh, or talk fondly about your dog without becoming a gibbering wreck, this is a sure sign time is healing. It doesnt mean you are forgetting, it just means that time is passing and you are learning to adjust to the empty space they now leave.
This timeline is very personal. It can take weeks or years, so if you are still grieving a pet several years down the line like I do, that's OK too.
Open your heart to your other animals, because they need you as much as you need them.
Closing sentiments
Your love hasn't died, it has just changed. Your pets that are no longer here will be waiting for you, it's a beautiful thing for us folk who believe in Rainbow Bridge and the thoughts that one day, one day, you will meet again.
In the mean time take care and know they are OK.
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